[The following column was printed in The Forum newspaper on June 12, 2012. Reprinted with permission.]
By Roxane B. Salonen, The Forum
I’m just going to come out and say this, painful as it is.
I’m a big loser. I may even be the biggest loser mother around.
Don’t say I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached, because some days I wonder if it is.
story: In college, I lost my new car. Well, more like I simply forgot I
had one. I walked home from the computer lab like so many times before,
forgetting in my 2 a.m. delirium that I now owned a red Geo.
recently, I left my brand-new laptop at a downtown coffee shop one late
evening. When I arrived there early the next morning, I peered in the
window, relieved to see it still perched under the table where I’d sat
nine hours earlier.
I can blame neither pregnancy nor senility at this point in my life.
it’s bad. Just ask my kids how many after-errand loop-de-loops I’ve
made back to the destination spot to retrieve my billfold or cellphone.
Never mind that each is purposefully red to prevent such blunders.
some provisions do help. I make a point of buying super-cheap
sunglasses. It’s either Ray-Bans or the kids’ college funds. Safer to
stick with the $5 shades and have several on hand.
me, even though I often wear them on top of my head, I’ve been known to
fall into a panic over misplaced sunglasses. “Uh, Mom, check your head,”
the kids will say.
I know; I’ve earned it.
seem to be about as lucky as I am losing-prone, usually recovering lost
objects or finding them in the safe hands of a customer service
Most of the Target folks know me by name or sight.
I can almost walk up to the service counter there and expect to be
handed my misplaced item, no words exchanged.
Recently, though, they had a new guy working behind the counter. When he asked whether he could help me, I said I hoped so.
“I might have left my cellphone in my cart last night,” I said.
“Does it have an annoying alarm that rings around 6:20 a.m.?” he asked.
Ah, yes, my reputation precedes me when it comes to my loser ways.
recent incident topped all others when I lost both my phone and
reporter’s binder containing irreplaceable photos the same weekend at
two different locations. It wasn’t until Monday morning, while waiting
for the retail stores to open, that I discovered the missing binder. I
was about to call my husband to see if he remembered seeing it over the
weekend, but realized, red-faced, I had no phone.
Double loser! I’m glad to report both items were replaced and I was only out a little stress.
just as I’m admitting my affliction in public, I’ve got to come to my
defense, as well as that of the other loser mothers out there.
Let’s start with my daily “to do” list. My heavens, it stretches out longer than the Nile.
really, the brain has a limited capacity. Mine is at risk for spilling
over daily with five kiddos’ schedules to manage along with my own.
Sometimes I warn my kids, as they pour extra details into my filled-to-capacity noggin, “No more! I’m out of room up here!”
Speaking of the kids, there they are now …
“What’s that? You want me to keep your prized Nintendo 3DS safe? Forget it. You know that I will.”